Summary: Learn to control your breathing in stressful situations. Low breathing helps create credibility, and protects your ability to think.
The Problem
When you’re angry, do people say “don’t get all hysterical” – or do they stop, look at you and think again? When you attempt to command, do people stop what they’re doing and listen to you, or is it as though you’re not there?
It’s frustrating as hell to be ignored or belittled, especially if you’re feeling strongly about something. It happens to pretty well everyone from time to time, but for some people it seems to be the norm.
There may be a reason – and a solution.
When people instinctively obey the police or the military, it isn’t just the uniform (or the guns!). Take a look at them on the news, or out in the street: there’s something very solid about them. You might start to notice the other people who have that same air, that groundedness, that stillness.
Imagine you are in a sales situation, trying to be taken seriously. How would it be to have a bit of that gravitas?
The Exercise
Okay – here’s how you start to get it. Do this exercise, right now – it’s very quick! It’s a little easier standing, but sitting straight is fine.
1. Put one hand below your belly-button, and the other hand on your (opposite) shoulder.
2. Breathe normally, and notice which hand is moving.
3. Now – think of someone or something that you really love, and breathe. Which hand is moving?
4. Finally – think of someone or something that REALLY winds you up. Breathe. Which hand is moving? (Go back to your happy place now!)
The Meaning
Why is this interesting? Because this little exercise is showing how stress affects your breathing. I’m prepared to bet that when you thought of something you love, the lower hand was moving, and when you thought of something that winds you up, the upper hand was moving.
If the hand on your shoulder is moving, you’re only using the top part of your lungs (‘high-breathing’), hindering the oxygen exchange, reducing the oxygen supply to your brain, and increasing the adrenaline. ‘Low-breathing’, when the hand on your belly moves, is using all of your lungs – supplying far more oxygen to your brain and reducing the adrenaline.
You might guess that your style of breathing can strongly affect your ability to think. What may not be so obvious is that it also has a profound effect on your voice and body language – and everyone around you will be unconsciously responding to these, for better or worse.
You’ve probably experienced this plenty of times, when you go to speak to that attractive person, or the bank manager – and instead of smooth, confident tones, you emit a raspy squeak. Humiliating! That’s high-breathing for you.
The same applies when you’re angry: a high-breathing command sounds panicky and out of control. Your upper chest and shoulders are moving in a top-heavy way, and everyone sees it, even if they aren’t conscious of it.
A low-breathing command sounds, well…commanding, because it comes with the full force of your lungs and you’ll be still and centred. People see that too: think military. I’ve made teenagers run away using this. Which was fun.
A Few Examples
One time, I was in a sales meeting with someone who was being difficult, and who was starting to get offensive. When I stated one of our requirements, he sneered, saying “Well, that just seems a rather petty request!” I was getting annoyed anyway, and this was past my tolerance. I could feel my temper rising, but remembered to breathe, low, through my nose. Instead of retorting in some undignified way, I found myself just looking at him calmly, idly wondering why he would say such a thing. This unsettled him completely, and he suddenly apologised, saying he was out of order, and completely caved in to all our requests.
Another time, in a business shake-up, I was feeling somewhat powerless, and knew that if I let on to this, then there would be no compromises made – my partner would just push his own agenda. If I wasn’t careful, my squeaky voice and rising shoulders would give it all away, so I forced myself to breathe low, speak slowly and stay very still while the discussions took place. Although he had come in all ready to win the argument, I could see him quickly become puzzled by my ease and detachment, and the discussion soon took an entirely different line to the one we’d both expected.
Those teenagers: a group of silly ones were messing around in the tube station, making it difficult for passers by. They’d already annoyed the people in front of me, so I took a deep breath, slowed my heart and bellowed “You kids, move!” To my slight surprise, instead of stabbing me and dancing on my head, one said “I think she’s the police – run!”, and they all took off….
The Tips
When you breathe low, stay motionless and talk slowly, you will think far more clearly, appear far more decisive and authoritative, and people are more likely to take account of what you say.
Getting into a habit of putting one hand discreetly on or near your belly at stressful moments will help you to notice what you’re doing, to start training yourself (and yes, you can do it without looking pervy).
Particularly useful when you’re public speaking, in an crisis….or just communicating with your kids! Try it at your next sales meeting.
Tell your friends, they'll love it!